One of the most frequent pieces of advice you’ll see here at the Dr. Rick Blog is to establish and maintain healthy, productive routines for children.  Kids of all ages, pre-school to teens, need and want routines.  The routines make them feel safe, able to predict what’s expected of them, and provide them with reassuring structure.  Routines help kids develop lifelong habits – a strong work ethic, strong values, healthy attitudes, and deep beliefs.

Routines take many forms.  Bedtime and morning routines.  Mealtime routines.  Homework and study routines.  Play and family time routines.  Weekend routines.  There are, of course, times when the routines are discarded – vacations, celebrations, holidays – and that makes the freedom all the more special.  But special or not, we all know the often-felt but seldom-acknowledged relief when vacation’s over and we can sleep in our own bed again and return to comforting routines.

So, here’s another idea for a routine that can add fun, inspiration, and some daily quiet time to your family’s life.  Maintain a gratitude journal, where you individually or as a family write down the one thing you’re grateful for on this day.

1. The format doesn’t matter.  The journal can be in a fancy leather-bound notebook, an inexpensive three-ring binder, or an electronic format.  Doesn’t matter.  What does matter is that there’s some time – just before bed makes sense – for everyone to quiet down, reflect on the day, and put in simple words the one thing (or person or event or thought) you’re grateful for today.


2. Everything counts.  You’ll be surprised at what your kids will write.  Sometimes it’ll be humorous, sometimes touching, sometimes seemingly out of left field.  They will also get insights into what makes you grateful, and it’s a great opportunity to show support and encouragement for them.  (“Today I’m grateful and proud that Cindy got an A on her spelling test.  It sure seems as if her studying is paying off.”)


3. It can be private or shared.  Some people like to share what they’ve written.  Others like to keep their journals private.  Either way works.  The important thing is that you’re spending some time thinking, writing, and establishing a practice that can be maintained lifelong.


4. Be creative.  I’ve seen journals that are little works of art, full of illustrations, clippings, photos, and meaningful quotations.  They become as much scrapbook or memory book as journal.  That’s okay.  (I know families where the journals become prized possessions, brought out years later as reminders of family togetherness.)


5. Notice the effect it’ll have.  Once the practice is set, give it some time, then notice how everyone becomes more attuned to the positive in their lives, how they quietly get in the habit of grateful thinking, how the simple act of writing loses its anxiety because it’s a daily occurrence, how everyone increasingly notices the simple happy moments and acts of kindness they encounter.

If a little routine of a few minutes’ writing each evening creates bedtime quiet, encourages reflection, brings the family together, and supports an important skill like writing, what’s not to like?

Share gratitude or two with us here at Dr. Rick Blog.  What’s your family grateful for today?

Well, all right, it’s not really “bribing” kids, but that’s the word so many interviewers use.

“So, Dr. Rick, is it okay to ‘bribe’ kids to encourage them to get better grades, to do their homework, or to do their chores?” asked yet another radio interviewer the other day.

I dislike this question, but I realize it’s well intentioned.

I don’t have any trouble at all with occasional, age-appropriate, reasonable rewards for kids.  I don’t call them bribes, which, after all, are for getting people to do things they’re NOT supposed to do.

I’ve written in other blogs and have said in countless interviews that occasional rewards for meeting special goals are okay by me.  They don’t have to be monetary, either.  In fact, sometimes non-monetary rewards are the best kind.  When you and your child have agreed on this school year’s goals (or this month’s or week’s or even today’s), it’s smart also to decide on rewards and, yes, consequences.  For lots of kids, a great reward is merely some special time with you, without any siblings or interruptions.  Silence your cell phone.

So here, in the interest of placating all the idealists who tell me that kids shouldn’t get rewards for doing well in school, it’s their job after all,  and they should be learning just for the intrinsic pleasure of learning (insert eye rolling here), is a list of rewarding things that you and your child can do together when he or she has aced that math test, improved a report card grade, kept a study area well-organized for a semester, turned in all homework for a month, improved the neatness of assignments, maintained a planner for an agreed-upon time, or finished the science fair project ahead of time.  Each one is either cheap or free.

1. Go to the library  and have him select a fun book.  Read together.  You read, then she reads.  Choose something fun.  Everyone, incidentally, likes to be read to.  That’s why audio books are so popular.


2. Break a sweat.  Play soccer or some other favorite outdoor game.


3. Go to a museum.  Any kind of museum.  There are lots of free ones.


4. Try something new, like horseback riding together.  Or ballet or bowling.


5. Take a walk and talk.  Count the different kinds of flowers and trees you see.  Notice how they change with the seasons.


6. Color, paint, draw, take photos.


7. Make a pie.  Eat it.  With ice cream.


8. Talk.  Conversation doesn’t have to be a lost art.  Listen.


9. Skip rope.


10. Hop scotch.


11. Make up funny jokes and stories.


12. Make up funny songs.


13. Write a short story with characters and plot based on family experiences.  Don’t tell her she’s doing language arts.


14. Sing.


15. Dance.


16. Go to church, synagogue, or mosque.  Talk about religion in your life.


17. Count the different kinds of dogs (or cars or anything else) in your neighborhood.  Make a list or chart them in order of prevalence.  Don’t tell him he’s doing math.


18. Talk about your favorite things – sports, cars, books, movies, TV shows, subjects in school, games, foods, etc.


19. Tell funny stories about your younger days.


20. Pass along family history.  Tell about grandparents, relatives no longer alive, the places your family has lived, the jobs they’ve had, special accomplishments, touching memories.


21. Share family photos, gifts passed along from generation to generation, and other memorabilia.


22. Watch his favorite movie.  Then watch yours.  Talk about them.  Compare and contrast


23. Talk about “heroes.”  Yours, hers.  Talk about why they’re heroes to each of you.


24. Plant something and watch it grow over time.  Trees are especially good because they take so long and can become a long-term activity, changing and growing as each of you changes and grows.


25. Teach about saving money.  Watch it grow.


26. Count the change that accumulates in piggy banks and jars around the house.  Take it to the bank or one of those change-counting machines.  Donate 10% to your child’s favorite charity, in her name.


27. Inject as much fun as possible into household chores.  (Rake leaves into piles, jump into them.)


28. Encourage a hobby that’s unrelated to school.


29. Learn to play musical instruments together.


30. Write a play together.  Keep it a secret until it’s ready to be performed for the family.

These are just off the top of my head.  You can think of many more, I’m sure.  Share them with us, won’t you.  Click on “Comments” below.

Nothing shows disrespect for others more than habitual lateness. No one likes to be on the receiving end of it.  Teachers spend untold hours every year being interrupted by students coming late to class, distracting other students, and disturbing lessons.  Parents wait – sometimes patiently, sometimes not so much – as their children hare around the house looking for lost supplies and belongings.  How to teach your kids to be respectful to others by being punctual?

Here are a few tips.

1. Be a good role model.  When it comes to punctuality, teach it, preach it, and live it.  Show children that you value precious time and you expect them to value it, too.  When someone keeps them waiting repeatedly, point out to them how annoying it is, especially if they’ve put forth extra effort to be on time.  (While you’re at it, you can teach forgiveness, too.  The occasional emergency does, after all, happen in our insanely hectic world.  People who overuse this excuse are to be seen for the phonies and laggards they are.  Shun them.)


2. Teach about time.  Kids need to be taught about time, just as they need to be taught to read, write, and compute.  Teach kids about real-time by making a game out of it.  Estimate how much time it takes to get ready in the morning, to drive to the grocery store, to brush teeth, how long the commercials will last (fair warning, this will infuriate you), or how long a favorite song is.  Avoid confusion by setting all the clocks in the house to the same time – none of that setting one clock early to make you hurry.  (Who falls for that, anyway?)  For kids, use analog clocks with second hands so they can “see” time passing.


3. Establish good time habits.  Show kids how much time they can save when they have their clothes and homework set out the night before.  Don’t allow “snooze alarms.”  (I know, I know, this is difficult.)  Instead, teach kids to get up when it’s time to get up.  If you start them early enough, it’ll become a no-big-thing routine.  I’m an “army brat,” growing up in a military family where I learned the Five Minute Rule – “If you’re not five minutes early, you’re late!”  It’s served me well over the years.  (I also learned to make a bed so tight you can spin a quarter on it, but that’s another army-brat story.)


4. Show how to organize.  Organization reduces stress and hassles.  It makes life easier.  What’s not to like?  It’s the first step in time management.  Let kids see how efficient it is to keep a planner, to have their work areas organized, to have routines.  Show them how you organize your busy life both at work and at home and how you rely on others to be respectfully punctual.  We’re all in this together!


5. Make punctuality a goal. With your child, make punctuality a home and school goal.  Talk about why it’s important to her, to her family, to her teachers, to her classmates.  Write the goal down and monitor her progress.  Renew the goal every so often, daily if necessary.  Agree on some reasonable rewards for continuous success (some extra time before bedtime on weekends, say) and reasonable consequences for continuous neglect (no texting for an evening).


6. Show how punctuality is a value.  When you teach your child punctuality, you’re showing him that respect for others is one of your family’s values.  It goes along with other values like politeness, reason, fairness, going to church or temple , lifelong learning, and all the other beliefs you hold dear and want to impart to him.


7. Monitor your own habits.  Every teacher has had to put many a lesson on hold, forcing punctual kids to wait for one “tardy” one, when – it must be said – the “fault” really lay with the parent.  Kids are not shy about saying, “My mom overslept again!”  Plus, we see you driving away in your bathrobe.  If your own bad habits are affecting your child’s education, for heaven’s sake, isn’t it time you reform?


8. Be positive.  If you don’t start early, teaching punctuality can be challenging.  If you’ve waited until your child is a teenager, you’ll be tempted to give up all hope.  Don’t.  Keep fighting the good fight, and show that you’re not about to give up on him.  This is far too valuable a life skill.  You’re a happy warrior, and he might as well surrender to your heroic efforts.  Best bet: start early.  Very early.

Punctual parents, have any tips for us?  Share your ideas, comments, and suggestions by  clicking on “Comments” below.